Random thought on fear

Photo by Joe Pearson on Unsplash

I knew fear early
Fear of not being good enough
Fear of spoiling things
Fear of being left out
Fear of losing someone
These fears guided my path like they were my law
They made it easy for me to let go of things without trying
Yeah, this fear broke the persevering spirit in me
I know I can do this if I just push more but the fear comes with its judgemental words “what if you fail at it again”
My response then was “alright, let me move on to another I’ll be good at” instead of “if I fail I’ll get up and try again”
Getting used to this, I grew up starting but not being able to finish or close a deal
It’s a curse
It’s a life no one should experience because you lose concentration while trying and what is success when there is no focus?
It’s unreachable
Starting they say it’s hard but starting came easy for me once I decide I’m starting and the resources are there I don’t even need a business plan, all I need is the resources to accomplish my goal and I’m on the move and once it gets harder or frustrating instead of pushing, I lag
I tell you truly, it’s a curse
A curse that should be broken for eternity
It owns you and feeds on you to the extent that your whole being becomes drawn into it like a hypnotizing spiral.
You don’t own yourself, the fear does
And it holds on to you so good that after less than ten failed attempts, you no longer want to try because your energy has been drained
The energy to be used for one has been broken down and poured into less than ten different ventures
It is no longer humane rather you see the infected claws peeling away your skin when they want to
Would you let this go on or would you stand up, go back to your drawing board and take a closer look at all the plans to position your energy hose for some filling?
I guess I’m going to choose the latter because I don’t want to live my life not succeeding in at least one thing

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